“In dating if something feels difficult or crazy-making, back off a bit and remember this: The energy you use to attract a relationship is the energy that is required to maintain it. Soul mate love flows. Release what’s not flowing and observe what happens.”  —Lisa Caroselli, Love Attraction Coach

Be You. You attract those who want what you are radiating from your center. Think about a lighthouse. It doesn’t draw the ships in physically. It just emanates. Use a current photo, not the one with your ex on your honeymoon.

Connect. Leave your checklist or agenda back home. Those are most helpful post-date. The most critical ingredient in any relationship is connection; use the date to explore the connection or flow of relating. Ask questions about what they enjoy about their work. What do they do in their leisure time?

Keep it Light. This is key with internet dating if it’s the first in-person date, You will enjoy each other’s company more if it feels less like an interview and more like a play date. Think coffee shop, mid-day walk or concert in a park. Pick dates or even group events where you and your date would have a good time regardless of the outcome.

Be Brief about the Past. When talking about your past, keep it brief. For example, marrying your ex might have been a good idea at the time and it brought your child into the world. Then turn the discussion over to the present moment. Eye Contact. If you cannot meet in person, Skype or find some way to “see” each other in person before you invest too much in a possible relationship. Gazing into each other’s eyes is more than romantic fantasy—it will assist you in validating the connection. Quality over Quantity. Love is not a numbers game. Too many online connections can result in having no time to meet people. Allot a certain amount of time for searching and dating. Leave open space in your calendar. Choose sites that reflect your interests even if they do not have a lot of members.

Be Kind. The next person you date may not be your love but they might just introduce you to them. Treat everyone the way you would like to be treated. This includes being honest about not feeling a connection or attraction without having to go into elaborate explanations or excuses. It can just be as simple as telling them, you don’t feel the connection or attraction.